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Film Studio
Laterna Magica
Presents
Arkady And Boris Strugatsky
Temptation Of B.
Lembit Ulfsak
Natalya Gundareva
Oleg Borisov
Vladimir Zeldin
Stanislav Sadalskiy
Aleksandr Pashutin
Directed By Arkadi Sirenko
The corners, don't skip the corners.
Like that.
Hey, owner. - What?
How we to paste this?
You want a guarantee, or what?
What do you mean?
I'll tell you what I mean.
We pasted these on yesterday, and they're already...
falling off the wall.
And why?
You know why?
Why?
We need drying oil. - If it's needed, then it's needed.
I know it's needed.
But where's the drying oil, eh?
You see it on this invoice, hmm?
Plus whiting, you've seen the whiting given.
Ahh, that's why,
there's no guarantee.
I have to show myself at the railroad workers' club, today.
There's a hardware store nearby.
I'll go after my reading. - Hm-hm, you can visit it, but...
it makes no sense.
I'll have the drying oil brought over, and get the whiting replaced.
Use your head, you're a writer?
That's right.
OK, then.
All right.
Don't worry, as you emerge from this state, everything will feel normal.
By now, many of you will begin going into a trance: children especially.
Don't force yourself to stop thinking.
Just go with the flow.
My sessions require the freeing of all sensation.
Feelings, thoughts and memories.
You feel a desire to shut your eyes, and many who have shut their eyes...
momentarily,
can no longer open them.
You begin to feel...
a rush of blood.
The hypnotic suggestions I'm giving viewers, who take part in our session...
are ones of well-being.
I suggest only the acceleration of self-regeneration processes.
You may be surprised,
but your own body can cure you.
The dose I've given you today is sufficient.
Your blood coalesces
in your arms and legs, creating a sense of heaviness.
You don't need my instructions.
The emphasis of these sessions, isn't on words.
Hey! Why turn it off?
I was just feeling something.
I thought you were asleep, I have to go.
Go, dear, go, don't worry, the keys are here.
We'll continue tomorrow? - Sure, sure, we'll continue.
...some kind of scar, or cut... ...several minutes in this condition...
Kostya, what's up? - Oh, Felix, Felix, oh!
Wait, wait.
God himself sent you!
Help me, I'm dying; Zoya is out! Nobody's here, help me!
What do I do?
You know the Institute in Bogorodsky?
Go find Martyniuk, Ivan Davidovich.
Everyone knows him, he's... the local committee chairman.
Tell him I'm dying, I have botulism.
Say I need two, no, three drops...
He... has it...
Three... three drops of what? - Mafu... Mafussalin!
He'll understand.
God... god! By god!
I'm begging you.
I'll go, Kostya, right now!
He really have botulism? - Poisoning.
We'll see what the tests say.
Do you think this...
'Mafussalin', can help with botulism?
What was that name?
'Mafussalin', I think. - First I've heard of it.
Maybe it's some new drug.
Er, what hospital's he going to?
To the Second City.
I'm free to the committee from 5 till 7. - Ivan Davidovich Martyniuk?
I'm free to the committee from 5 till 7. - On behalf of Kostya Kurdyukov,
Konstantin Ilyich.
What's wrong with him?
He's got a bad case of poisoning.
It may be botulism.
He asked, almost begged, to be sent two or three drops...
of... 'Mafussalin'.
What you say? What you say? - 'Mafussalin'?
I assume it's some new drug.
Did I get the name wrong?
'Mafussalin'? - Who are you again?
His neighbour: Snegirev, Felix Alexandrovich.
The name means nothing to me.
Your name means nothing to me; still, I raced across town.
Which hospital is he in?
Second City.
Very well, you may go, I'll take care of this myself.
Thanks very much.
How do you do?
Natasha.
"English Class"
How long has it been?
Hello,
darling.
You just drop by to catch up? Hand in your recyclables?
You're already busy today, naturally.
And if I wasn't?
If not, we can drop by the 'Caucasian'.
Discuss old times.
Then let's return the bottles, have a party.
I forgot, I can't today.
I'm busy.
Damn.
I understand, today, tomorrow...
The day after... - But why, Natashen'ka?
Because our ship has sailed. - Now, now.
"I remember a strange moment..." - Come on, cut it out.
Anyway, I have people coming over.
Damn!
It's not my lucky day.
How's things? - How are you these days?
Eh?
Same as everybody,
just about.
Stupid, the way things turned out.
Stupid? It turned
out OK.
We parted on amicable terms? - Exactly.
What's great about that?
Listen, Natalya, I have a huge favour to ask.
Hmm, hmm.
That's how you should have started. - I saw you and it slipped my mind.
You have a 'Dolgopolov, Semyon Semyonych', in your class?
Err...
Yes. the bald guy from City Transportation: an idiot, a huge idiot.
That's the gospel truth; still he needs a certificate of course completion.
It's vital.
You've flunked him twice already. - Three.
Three? So he lied to me.
But have mercy; why look at me like that?
What's he do, that's so bad?
I'm tired of him.
All the more reason to pass him, and never have to see him again.
Fine, I'll think about it. - That's great.
I've always said you were a good sport. - Agreed.
He can come tomorrow: usual time.
He'll come crawling, with a box of candy in his mouth.
The quality kind.
Not between the teeth, please.
It's been a while, Felix Alexandrovich. - Hello.
Job keeping you busy? Things on your mind?
Yes, it's the job, Pavel Pavlovich, and I've had a lot on my mind.
I see you haven't changed, though.
Kind of you to say, Felix Alexandrovich.
It's relentless training of the body.
Never let yourself go.
Instead, you need to keep yourself, constantly in check.
A magazine must strive to approach,
the efficiency of a newspaper.
Rather than retreat from it.
You know, Felix, I like you.
You write powerful stuff.
So, I like you.
I print everything you write, but, where's the efficiency?
I'm not a journalist, I'm a writer.
Yes, you're...
a writer, but you've no work ethic.
You have to work on that.
For instance, take Kostya Kurdyukov. - Oh...
I know, he's a mediocre poet.
A bad one, even.
But tell him, Kostya, I need it for tonight, and you'll have it.
You know, he's like Chekhov, and that's why I like him.
He finds himself
a nice spot on a windowsill.
Damn it.
I need to call him.
See how he is.
Who?
I'm glad you called,
he really wants to see you.
Of course, how's he doing?
Fine, thank god, but he really wants you to visit.
It's all he talked about. - All right, sometime tomorrow night.
No, he really wanted it to be today: he said you have to come today.
Today?
I can't make it today, I'm sat here with Anatoliy Sokratych.
He told me to look for you, if you didn't call.
Felix, it's very important. - This is really awkward.
Felix, dear, he's just not himself.
See him today, just for ten minutes.
Well...
What else can I do?
I have to go now, goodbye.
Pavel Pavlovich?
Could I take something... home for dinner?
Some bread, maybe some ham.
Pavel Pavlovich, well?
OK.
Let's do it.
They each stick a tube in; I'm thinking, that's it, I'm a goner.
A couple of hours pass; what do you know, I'm all right.
You didn't need the...
What?
The, er... what do you call it?
'Masu' or 'Mafu'...?
Get out of here.
Then they gave me a high pressure enema.
The gas I had, let me tell you.
I never imagined how horrible it is; water pumped in your rear.
My eyes got so wide, I said:
"Hey guys, call an optometrist!"
What's up?
What?
Why look at me like that? - Like what?
What? - I see you've had a few.
A few yes. - Ah.
If not for you, I'd be having them right now.
Don't worry, once I'm out, you'll get an unimaginable cognac.
'Akhtamar', from the Caucasus; there was a legend, this guy loved this broad.
Parents wouldn't have it, she lived on an island, in a castle.
Kostya, I've heard this. - You have?
Got to go, I've a night of work ahead, Sokratych wants an article.
I'm off. - No reason to stick around.
You've checked on me, now you can go.
Thanks.
What's up?
I wish I knew what it was.
Why did you drag me from my table?
I couldn't eat, nor drink; Sokratych was offended.
They said it's urgent. - Who?
Come at once, it's important. - Who said that?
Your wife, Zoya!
Oh, well, she made a mistake, she just got mixed up: when she say this?
Today. - Today?
She just got mixed up.
What's it with you two? If it's mixed up, then it was mixed up.
You're well, that's what counts.
Kostya, I'm going.
Hold on.
Wait a minute.
Snegirev, you don't want to know what I've been through, with this poisoning.
Just remember, Snegirev, nothing happened!
Got it? Nothing happened. - What you saying?
So that's how you repay me? Nothing happened!
You got it? Nothing! Nothing!
Go to hell!
Fool!
I messed up, Snegirev, messed up; the Institute's secret, strictly regulated.
No-one's supposed to know, especially you; they came and told me off today.
Now I've to stay put in the hospital.
I can't poke my nose out.
Snegirev, I messed up, but you'll kill me with that mouth of yours.
If you keep on blabbing, I'm a dead man.
Think about yourself. - Cretin!
Think about yourself, Snegirev.
About yourself, think about yourself, Snegirev.
Who is it?
It's me.
Natashen'ka!
Well, well!
What a surprise.
Good evening.
Pavel Pavlovich? - The very same, friend, the very same.
What's going on?
Bring him here.
Where do you want him? - Right here.
Back in your chair, Felix Alexandrovich. - What, what's all this about?
I'll ask the questions, you'd do well to answer.
Questions? It's the middle of the night! - Today, at half past two.
You visited my Institute.
Where did you go after that?
Who are you, exactly?
Why should I answer anything?
I will ask the questions.
You'll answer truthfully, of your own accord.
Are we clear, yes?
So, where did you go...
after seeing me?
To the railroad workers' club.
What for?
I gave
a reading.
This... gentleman can confirm that.
He saw me.
He's not lying.
Where did you go after that?
To class.
Tell them, Natasha.
Felix Alexandrovich, relax.
Tell the truth and no harm will befall you.
I am telling the truth.
Did you meet anyone else during class?
Did I meet anyone?
Well, who...?
Well, like Valentin the engineer... from the branch, I don't recall his surname.
Who else did I run into... what's his name, fat guy...
You talked about?
I didn't
talk about anything, right, Natasha?
I went straight to you.
Later you went to a restaurant, why?
Why? To eat.
I had nothing to eat this morning, because of your Kurdyukov.
Romanyuk was expecting you, why?
He comissioned an...
article from me, about 'moral'...
'potential'.
Here it is, I'm writing it.
What did you tell him about Kurdyukov?
About Kurdyukov? - Yes, about Kurdyukov.
I said nothing about Kurdyukov, what are you talking about?
You didn't tell him anything?
It was all I could hear: "Kurdyukov, Kurdyukov".
Pavel Pavlovich,
can't you just wait ten minutes?
But why wait?
"Kurdyukov, Kurdyukov".
It wasn't like that!
Perhaps occasionally we did.
But even if I told him,
so what?
So you did tell him about Kurdyukov?
I said nothing.
If anything, Romanyuk was telling me about Kurdyukov's writing process.
That's all.
I just said Kurdyukov had been poisoned,
and I was off to the hospital to see him, that's all.
And Kurdyukov sending you to me?
For heaven's sake, no, not a single word.
I see.
So you already understood, what you can talk about,
and what you can't.
Felix Alexandrovich.
It'd be best if you told us honestly,
with no
pressure on our part.
Who you spoke to today,
about Kurdyukov.
What it was that you said,
and why you said it.
I advise you to be...
candid.
I'm not hiding anything.
Who did I speak to about Kurdyukov? Fine, I'll tell you.
Who did I speak to about Kurdyukov? Nobody!
I only spoke to Romanyuk, and Kurdyukov's wife, Zoya, of course.
She said he's in hospital, and I should visit, so I visited him, that's it!
Nobody else.
Begging your pardon.
I saw
some old ham, Felix Alexandrovich.
So I helped myself.
I hope that's OK.
Of course, no problem.
Let's not lose focus!
That's a strange smell.
What's it this time?
This, my dear
is 'Ukhe Tkho'.
Literally, bile of the sea creature.
This concoction, dear... is eight centuries old.
That's enough! That's enough!
Continue, Felix Alexandrovich.
What
did you speak to Romanyuk about?
What did I speak to Romanyuk about?
Well, he asked me to write an article, urgently for today, and here it is.
What plans did you make with Kurdyukov, in the hospital?
With Kurdyukov?
At the hospital... we didn't make any plans!
He promised to bring me a bottle of cognac, and we agreed to drink it.
He said
he'd be out soon.
Is that all?
That's all.
For this, you went all the way to the hospital?
It's not so far,
and... because he asked me.
Is Kurdyukov a good friend of yours?
We're neighbours.
I see.
Let's look at what we have.
Someone,
who's hardly a close friend.
Who's already at this point, feeling well.
Asks you to visit him at the hospital.
Just so he could promise to share,
a bottle of cognac with you.
Does that about sum up... what you've told us?
Yes, yes.
Yet, you leave in the middle...
of a very important business discussion with your employer.
Forget all about this article, you have to work on all night, and for what?
How could I know? How could I have known?
His wife said it was urgent.
What did you plan with Kurdyukov at the hospital?
I swear to god, we planned nothing. - He's lying!
Felix Alexandrovich,
I warned you.
Look, what's this all about?
He's lying, the son of a ***!
I don't know what they agreed on.
But, they had a major falling out on the stairs.
He was so red in the face, he was about to explode.
I was angry, I'm not hiding it; If he wasn't in hospital, I'd have hit him.
Liar!
Liar... I know when he tells the truth: he's lying.
You, Rittmeister, all you had to do...
was walk down a few steps.
Then we wouldn't be here, guessing.
I apologise, your illustriousness.
There were
reasons...
of a technical nature.
Perhaps this swindler could explain, gentlemen.
The meaning of the words:
"Think about yourself, Snegirev, about yourself".
That I heard very well.
Natasha.
Who are these people?
What do they want from me?
Leave
me alone!
Listen to me carefully.
We won't leave, until we've learned...
everything we need to know.
And you will tell us these things.
It's just a matter of properly...
convincing you.
We won't beat around the bush.
We are just no good at it.
Of course, we'd prefer...
to obtain the information
quickly.
Without any fuss.
The pure facts, so to speak.
I think this would be in your best interests as well.
Easy, easy.
Hey!
What the hell? Natasha! Pavel Pavlovich!
Felix, honey, tell them, you have to tell them everything.
Felix Alexandrovich,
I beg of you,
you don't need all this trouble.
No, no, I don't need it.
You'll answer us?
Yes, yes,
absolutely.
What did you plan with Kurdyukov?
So, you got the ***, but why start without me, huh, guys?
This isn't procedure, Magister, please, let's be correct.
So...
who told him about the...
elixir? - He knows of the elixir?
Seriously?
What? - What?
Huh? - What did I say?
Not only the elixir, he implied he knows of the wellspring.
Why say that Kurdyukov? I said nothing like that.
Nothing of Krapivin Ravine?
What about... the elixir?
You're mad, Kurdyukov, what damn elixir? What damn elixir? - Don't give me that!
Eating from a bulging can again?
You people
are insane!
I didn't say anything.
Anything!
Didn't I say to you, don't tell anyone, didn't I?
You did.
But you
didn't say anything.
See, he admits it, who mentioned the elixir?
Probably Natashka, Natashka relaxed in bed, eh?
Why, you ***!
What you trying to say, huh?
Help, Magister, it's just a theory! - It's clear.
The gutless wonder here, talked.
He ate something rotten, thought he was dying, so blabbed to the first person.
I didn't tell him anything, he already knew!
I only asked him to go and see you, but he already knew, he already knew.
He smiled knowingly, saying: "Of course, I know the Magister".
What you on about? - I tried to warn, but couldn't move.
They were cleansing my you-know-what! - Lies! I don't know his aim, but it's
lies!
You have to understand, I can't
recall everything he said.
He said it to me, to deliberately show, that
he knows. - That's a lie!
He said it to show me he knows, to get me to betray you!
He's...
spouting gibberish.
Erm... who's there?
Probably the neighbours.
You people with your shouting.
Go and apologise.
Quickly, and no chit-chat.
Rittmeister, keep an eye on him.
Hello. - Hello.
Mr. Snegirev, I'm calling the police.
It's half past three! - Sorry, Sergey Sergeyevich,
we got overexcited, we didn't realise. - It won't happen again... at all.
Sergey Sergeyevich,
we'll be more careful, and we'll owe you half a bottle each.
Silent as the grave, right, Felix Alexandrovich?
Good night. - Good night.
Would you look at that ***.
He broke the door.
Sergey Sergeyevich? - No, stinking Kurdyukov!
It's all you barging in; take him and get out, or I'm calling the cops.
Now, now, what's all this?
Everything's fine.
It's quite the wrestling match. - A klutz, he always was such a klutz.
He thinks on his feet, you've got to give him that.
Gentlemen, this won't do, gentlemen!
Gentlemen, we'll wake up the whole
building, please, gentlemen.
Really.
How about we call it a day?
Maybe, come back tomorrow, huh?
Or someone...
really...
will call the police.
Sit down.
I said, sit down, and be quiet! You, get up.
Stop lying there, get up!
Let him stay.
OK, he can lay there, I don't mind.
Well, gentlemen.
It looks like the situation's changed.
Become more complex, one might say.
In that case, I would say, this is a fine time to...
brew some coffee.
No, Prince, no coffee.
That's not...
allowed.
A cup of coffee's not allowed? It's just coffee.
Just?
Of course, just coffee.
Strong, sweet coffee, Viennese style.
Very well, go brew it.
You understand, the situation's changed?
But, of course.
Then get to it.
Gentlemen,
please take note.
You cannot do anything here, today.
If we leave a corpse here.
The police... will find us with no trouble, that's clear enough.
Sorry, Magister, it's not totally clear.
We don't have to leave it here.
We could throw it out the window.
Seventh floor, little pieces.
Suicide.
A man was here, not five minutes ago.
Did you happen to notice, Rittmeister?
I did, Sergey Sergeyevich on the eighth floor.
Did you
happen to notice, he also observed you?
I did.
He could describe you.
Recognise your mustache,
your plaid jacket.
You'll be found in a week, at the most.
No, I don't like this either; people know Felix and I were acquainted.
He saw me yesterday and I'm not home tonight, I don't need that.
Dragging me down to talk to detectives. In fact, we shouldn't harm Felix.
We should accept him.
Instead of who?
Cold hearted ***! - Quiet, Kurdyukov, quiet.
Must I keep repeating myself?
Remember, it's your fault that we need to make this decision now.
If I were you, I would...
sit quitely. - I'm sat.
Silence! Not a word! Silence! Not a word!
Indeed sir, you acted...
quite the coward.
And now you interfere?
Gentlemen.
I believe there's nothing we can do now.
But give Felix Alexandrovich...
the choice.
Get the hell out
of here!
The lot of you!
Right now!
Right this minute! - Stop the hysterics.
You shut up, local committee chairman!
Take your whole gang...
and get the hell out,
right now!
Your daughter's called Lisa?
What's it to you?
Your daughter's name is Lisa.
Grandchildren, Thomas and Anton.
They all live on Maloya Tupikovaya 16, correct?
I trust you understand what I'm getting at.
I think you're...
all insane.
We won't debate the issue.
But if... it's easier for you, to consider us insane,
then by all means.
Maybe we are, in a conventional sense. - I don't get what you want from me.
You'll understand soon.
It so happens, that you have...
become privy to our secret.
I don't know any secret, nor do I want to.
Now, now, the investigation's all over.
We have other matters to consider now; you're faced with a choice.
Death...
or immortality.
Are
you prepared to choose?
Why not?
What kind of choice is that?
If I choose death.
You'll toss me out the window.
If I choose immortality,
you'll find something even worse for me.
That's all I can expect from you.
Good god, these modern men are so simple minded.
As I recall, I grasped it immediately.
Madam.
That was...
five hundred years ago.
Four hundred and seventy three. - Yes, yes, of course.
Back then, this was all par for the course:
immortality, the philosopher's stone.
Flying on a broomstick.
All this wasn't so hard to imagine, back then.
But,
imagine, just for a moment:
you're writing an article for a newspaper like 'Cadre Forge'.
And someone comes along and offers you immortality.
He's lying I tell you, I don't buy this fake innocence, he chose long ago.
Shut up Kurdyukov, I'm sick of hearing you.
It's immaterial.
It'd be much more interesting...
if Felix Alexandrovich...
understands nothing.
Outside the city, in the Krapivin Ravine,
there is a limestone cave, few people know about.
In its innermost depth, in a grotto.
Which practically, no-one knows about.
From the ceiling, hangs a lonely...
stalactite,
of a peculiar
red colour.
From this,
into a depression in the rock,
drips the elixir...
of life.
Five spoonfuls every...
three years.
The elixir cannot save you from poison, from a bullet...
or from the sword.
To put it in modern terms.
It is a hormonal regulator.
A spoonful every three years,
is sufficient to counteract the aging process in the human organism.
Completely.
The organism does not age.
Aging halts completely; how old are you now, forty five?
Start taking the elixir, and you'll always be forty-five years old.
Always,
eternally,
do you understand?
A spoonful every three years, and you'll always be forty-five.
The problem is, there are only five spoonfuls.
So there can only be five immortals.
With all the consequences that entails.
Do you...
understand?
Six is one too many.
Exactly right.
But I never said I want to be immortal.
Are you saying,
you choose death?
Why death?
We've got along fine without each other, so far.
It seems you don't quite understand.
There's only enough elixir for five.
You know our secret.
Now it's one or the other.
Either you join us.
Or, as much as it saddens me, we'll be forced to... destroy you.
What, you think I'll run around,
telling everyone your secret? They'll put me in the nut house.
Perhaps.
Quite likely, even.
But, we won't take the chance: we've had experience with such things.
We can only rest easy...
when five people know our...
secret.
I won't tell a soul.
Why would I? I have a daughter, grandchildren, it's not in my interest.
As a writer,
surely you understand, that people do things all the time,
that are not in their best...
interests.
Here comes the coffee.
One cup of coffee, and all your problems work themselves out.
Here you go, dear. - Thanks.
Here you go, Magister.
Much obliged, Prince.
Felix Alexandrovich.
I see you're worried.
Sip some 'black restorative' and relax. - Thank you.
Here you go,
Rittmeister.
Appreciate it.
Basavryuk, old friend,
why hide in the corner?
Have a cup
of coffee and everything will be fine.
Thanks, Prince, you're very attentive, as always.
Did... you find a fly in it?
Felix Alexandrovich.
There are so many flies in your kitchen.
What did I do?
Trying to poison me.
Prince, I was very specific... now what will we do with the corpse?
Corpse?
What corpse?
Where's this corpse?
I don't see any corpse.
There's just no pleasing you, gentlemen.
It's such a good batch of coffee.
Felix Alexandrovich, isn't it?
Butcher.
Poisoner.
What, what did I ever do
to you?
Kurdyukov.
If you raise your voice one more time, I'll have your mouth taped shut!
But, he tried to poison me! - Why assume he tried poisoning you?
Because I stole his cook!
Remember, I had a French cook, Gerard Decastille, he still hates me for it!
I forgot all about that.
Although, the cook really was wonderful.
A remarkable cook.
Did you...
poison me, Pavel Pavlovich?
Felix Alexandrovich, what a silly idea.
I...
I...
feel sick.
He's just overexcited, Magister.
You needn't worry, Felix Alexandrovich.
He wasn't trying for you.
If he had been,
your body would be getting cold by now.
The question is,
who was he trying for?
There's one too many of us, to be sure.
But which one does he consider superfluous?
Animals.
You're animals.
Ghouls.
Practically.
Certainly.
What would you have us do?
I'm not experienced in such matters myself, not yet.
I don't know how these things were resolved before.
I've only lived, through the wellspring, one and a half centuries, yes.
Yes.
I was born in 1802.
The youngest here.
But I was, as they say, an early bloomer.
In our little group, age isn't an issue.
It's all about character.
Allow me, for example, to compare your current predicament...
with the way I handled this choice,
myself.
I was a police officer then, around these parts.
Dealing primarily with smugglers.
I caught the scent of a mysterious group of five people.
I saw they had a cave in Krapivin Ravine.
They were very cautious.
I thought,
there might be something in this for me.
I picked the most spineless looking of them,
and snatched him.
Personally, yes,
and then I encouraged him.
I encouraged people really well.
No complaints from my superiors.
And so,
he spilled the whole thing.
Take note, Felix Alexandrovich.
That this...
thing handed to you on a silver platter, by chance.
I earned by the...
sweat of my brow.
It took the whole night, I recall.
Back breaking work.
Yes indeed, but unlike you,
I caught on quickly.
So, I just crushed his neck with a rock,
and I was set.
So that's why,
that idiot,
lunged at me with his chisel.
Like he's deranged.
Ha!
I don't know, Felix Alexandrovich.
I think...
he may be saner, than you or I.
Besides, he's had some experience.
Starting way
back in
1282.
To live so long, through the wellspring, keeping your place.
Take it.
Ha!
That takes skill.
Kostya? Since the twelve hundreds? Yet, he's just a two-bit hack.
That's not for me to say.
Are you feeling better?
Come.
If you choose immortality,
you become a contender.
Which means, it must be settled, only between Mr. Kurdyukov and yourself.
You can choose to have a duel.
Draw straws.
Well, it's up to you both.
What's up to us...
is providing an alibi.
Disposing
of the corpse.
The appropriate perjury,
and so on.
You understand the procedure?
Can we do this without dramatic pauses?
Honestly, Felix, you're dragging this out like...
I don't want
either choice.
That's great, so there's nothing to vote
about, either.
Don't push it, Felix, it's not an editor's office.
Felix Alexandrovich, is this some kind of joke?
Explain
yourself.
Do what you want with me.
But, I won't play odd man out for you.
Do you reject
a chance for immortality?
Why, gentlemen!
This is a curious specimen.
I never would have thought.
Just a writer, a lowly scribe.
Do you know, gentlemen?
I think he's got my vote as well.
I'm old fashioned,
and no great fan of change.
But such a turn
of events.
Perhaps, I'm missing something.
Has the 'New Age' finally dawned upon us?
*** novus?
Christ, what's this '*** novus' crap?
You people are blind, he'll betray you, all of you.
It's please and thank you, till he backstabs, he's
no need of immortality, he's a humanist, with principles!
He's got grandchildren, why give it all up?
Felix, do you really want immortality, if it means blood on your hands, eh?
You must kill me, what would you tell Lisa?
Why is he butting in all the time? This kind of persuasion is unheard of.
Now Felix,
listen to me.
I... know you.
You wouldn't like it; immortality isn't life.
It's a different mode of... existence.
I know what you want the most.
You... want friendship, you want love.
Immortality doesn't have it, how could it?
Felix, you'll have to hide your whole life.
From your daughter, your grandchildren.
Change your address, your surname, from one century to the next.
Look on us carefully, you'll become like us.
You will become like...
me.
Felix.
Do you love me?
Really love me?
Look at me.
You'll become this.
Well put, well
put, indeed.
Felix, you need a knack for it.
You have got to enjoy immortality.
Felix,
it isn't like having a glass of *** or churning out a story to pay the bills.
Quit trying to convince me.
You should be convincing your dinosaurs here, to leave me alone.
I wouldn't take your immortality,
if you paid me.
Now,
just a moment.
Aren't you getting a little carried away, Felix Alexandrovich?
Mankind has sought immortality, since the dawn of time.
The greatest of men,
wouldn't hesitate to wade in blood, for a chance
at immortality.
Is it pride you're touched by,
Felix Alexandrovich?
Or do you still not believe?
First of all.
I don't believe.
But that's just stupid.
I'm sorry... but you
can't be so rational, as to revert to stupidity.
Secondly, you're not offering me immortality.
You offer me ***.
Yes, that's right, Felix, ***. - Shut up!
I never really liked you before.
But now, you're just despicable.
What a ***, you turned out to be, Kostya Kurdyukov.
An outright ***.
But killing you?
It's just stupid,
it's too much.
So, my friend.
You wish to receive something for nothing?
That's very amusing.
Have you ever received something for nothing?
You can't even get a decent apartment, without getting your hands dirty.
This is immortality.
Christ.
To think.
Pushkin's dead.
And you are immortal.
There you go, a stinking moralist, if there ever was one!
Now do you see,
who you're dealing with?
It is fate that grants us both life and immortality.
Life is given to us...
for free, by the sins of our parents,
but for immortality, one must pay.
Felix Alexandrovich does
not like the price, he'll have to pay.
That's all right.
He'll pull himself together, muster up the courage,
plug his nose,
if that is what it takes.
If he finds it so repulsive.
You think, Felix Alexandrovich, you'll necessarily have to cut your...
opponent's throat with a dull blade?
Or perhaps, like our friend here, with a chisel.
Swords!
Must be swords! - Now, why do you need swords?
You have pills.
Two small pills.
Pills that are both identical in colour,
form and odour.
You take one pill.
Your opponent,
takes the other.
And in thirty seconds, it's all over.
No pain.
No convulsions.
It's an ancient,
time tested
recipe.
Just think.
Your conscience will be clear.
Fate.
It has to be swords!
Well, swords are more entertaining.
Gentlemen.
It seems I must remind you again.
There'll be none of that here tonight.
None of your pills either, Prince.
They won't leave a trace.
No.
You have my
full assurance.
He simply had a heart attack.
Or... a stroke.
No!
No! No!
Not today, not here.
Now let's tally the votes.
You're for... the challenger, Prince?
But, of course.
I assume you are as well, madam.
I think we know where Kurdyukov stands, so I won't ask.
Rittmeister?
I'm terribly sorry, Magister.
I'm afraid, I vote against.
Please forgive me, madam, and you, your illustriousness.
I don't mean...
to offend any of you,
in any way.
However, I have my own opinion on the matter.
One born of hard experience.
I've known 'Basavryuk' here, from the...
very beginning.
I know not to...
expect any surprises from him.
Oh yes?
So, you were expecting this lovely night, as well... Rittmeister?
Certainly, madam, there's little that's lovely about this night.
But, there's nothing so terrible about it,
either.
This will blow over.
Before you know it.
'Basavryuk', here is a...
weak man.
He faltered, and may falter again.
Since he's indeed a coward.
But he's our coward.
Ours.
But, the writer here.
No offence.
I just don't trust you.
I don't trust you and
I never will.
And it's not because you're evil or self-serving,
heavens no.
But, you're a stranger, Felix Alexandrovich.
You would stick out like a sore thumb, in our little group.
And...
it's better for us all.
If you weren't part of it.
Or part of this world.
Please forgive me, if I've offended anyone... I had no such intention.
Thank you, Rittmeister, I'll never forget this.
Magister!
Forgive me, forgive me, Magister!
Fine, I'll consider it.
I'll consider it.
Well then.
Gentlemen.
It seems the votes are even.
I have...
the deciding vote.
So, Felix Alexandrovich, have you
finally made your choice?
Immortality may not...
be so bad.
I don't know.
But if it's with the likes of you, I'd rather eat glass.
Still, death is worse, isn't it?
I gather, Felix Alexandrovich,
that out of our little group here, you find me the least repulsive.
Am I correct?
Well...
perhaps. - I appreciate it.
That's exactly why, I wanted to have a word with you in private.
Without their...
loathsome faces, hovering around.
May I sit down?
Go ahead.
Thank you.
You're very kind.
So, Felix Alexandrovich,
I am five hundred years old.
Yes indeed.
If you live to be this old, whether you like it or not.
You stop believing in many silly notions.
Love, friendship.
I am a cold, indifferent,
one might say...
cruel person.
I won't lie, we all are.
But unlike my companions,
I have created something in this world.
That you can't devour, ***,
or place under yourself, so you're even more comfortable.
In my lifetime,
I have invented or discovered, one hundred and seven things.
I isolated phosphorus...
fifty years before, Brand.
I discovered chromatography, twenty years before, Tsvet.
I created the periodic table, around the same time,
well, right around the same time, as Dmitry Ivanovich.
Obviously, you grasp this had to be kept secret, or I'd have been too well known.
My whole life.
I've been trying to synthesise the elixir.
I'm tired of living in secret, avoiding every police officer I see.
I'm tired of being a nobody.
I want to be a somebody.
But I need someone to lean on.
An assistant.
An intelligent companion,
who can appreciate the beauty of thought.
I know nothing about chemistry.
I know chemistry.
I'm tired of being alone.
So far, immortals have been chosen by fate.
With your help,
I can start creating them myself.
Agree, Felix Alexandrovich.
Please agree.
Are you concerned with the cost?
That's nothing, no-one said you had to take him out yourself.
I can take care of it.
And place me in dead man's shoes?
Kurdyukov's been on this planet, 650 years.
and all he's managed to do in that time is eat, drink,
*** young girls, rob and ***.
He'll spend the next six hundred years, trading one earthly delight for another.
I'm offering you a grand cause.
Yet, you hesitate.
Why?
Neither...
you,
nor I,
have the right to choose...
who lives...
and who dies.
You're being very difficult.
I did not expect this.
I thought better of you.
Although, when you think about it.
When an ordinary,
boring person...
becomes immortal, by a whim of fate.
The most dominant part of his character, in his previous life,
becomes the sole part.
Yes, Felix Alexandrovich, forgive me for saying, but only a man of little taste,
could think the nymphomaniac, Natalya Petrovna, that sutler store ***,
is at all like a woman. - Your Pavel Pavlovich's no better.
I agree.
He's a gigantic taste receptor!
Well put.
Thank you.
But you, you're a writer.
And a writer,
as they say,
must live long.
Think how many books you'll write,
and what books.
Your mind would encompass,
centuries of
human experience.
Finally, we come to mankind's benefit.
You want to come off, as a hero?
You'll be considered...
a fool.
So you'll... go to the slaughter, then.
No, I won't.
Like a lamb to the slaughter.
Here, I thought you had principles.
Excuse me, I'm here for the phone.
Felix Alexandrovich, I may have seemed brash, earlier.
I'd hate to leave that impression.
I'm very direct by nature.
I say,
what I think.
But, I never meant to offend you,
or,
to appear... condescending.
Get out of here.
Be careful with the phone.
All right.
Think about yourself, Snegirev, about yourself.
Think about yourself, about yourself.
Think about yourself, about yourself.
Think about yourself, Snegirev.
About yourself.
Hmm.
It's been a while since I was here.
What happened to the desk? You used to have a desk here.
I gave it to Elizabeth.
What do
you care?
Aren't we testy?
What did I do to you?
You got yourself into this.
Would you look at that scowl.
That's not how you looked at me, yesterday.
So?
Are you scared?
You wouldn't dare.
Today, we wouldn't, but tomorrow...
Don't you people get it, killing me, puts you in danger.
Look.
You have to understand, they're scared, and willing to do anything.
So, you've something planned; don't get cocky, don't believe a word they say.
Don't turn your back on anyone; it only takes a second.
I've seen...
them
do it.
Why do you suddenly like me again?
I don't know... somehow
I saw you differently today.
I used to think,
okay, he passes for a man, he'll do for now.
But, I see you've turned out to be...
a man.
A real...
man.
Hold me.
Don't be so cold, eh?
It's me!
Remember, what you called me?
Nymph.
Beautiful enchantress.
Maybe I'm saying goodbye, anything could occur in an hour's time.
It may be the last time I see you. - You're already burying me!
Stop it, let go, stop, stop! - Just one last time.
There won't be any last time.
Let go of me!
I want you... my handsome
corpse.
But, you're five hundred years old.
You ***.
I'm sorry.
***.
Idiot.
So...
You think the Magister will stand up for you?
He's spinning you a tale, so you don't go to the police tomorrow.
So there's time to think, of how we're going to dispose of you.
What did he promise you?
What?
Dearest,
your ten minutes are up.
I assume you're finished?
We didn't even start.
I wanted to...
give him, one last taste of pleasure,
but he's...
good for nothing.
I don't know what you hope to achieve, Prince.
The elixir...
is completely amazing.
You can eat anything, except
totally rotten things,
you wouldn't want anyway.
Drink anything,
that's not outright poison,
in any quantity.
There will be no gastritis,
no colds,
no blocked bowels.
Your sense of smell.
Your sense of taste.
They'll be in prime condition.
What limitless...
potential for pleasure.
Felix Alexandrovich,
I know you love a good meal.
You don't know a good meal of course,
but you love to eat.
I'll show you a few things, you'll thank me for years.
For centuries.
A regular immortal
gourmet.
Listen.
I was merely trying to help you,
overcome your youthful idealism.
Are you
afraid to take the risk?
There is no risk at all.
He can shout about swords, all he wants,
he won't get them.
There will either be
two pills,
or two syringes.
Magister,
loves his syringes.
As it all comes down to technique, to sleight of hand.
I'll handle it all.
Your success is guaranteed.
Why do you
need all this?
What use am I to you?
Why, it's
obvious.
First of all,
we'd be getting rid of that ***.
The rotter stole...
my cook.
My Gerard, he was priceless.
I'm willing to forget his card debts.
But, Gerard?
I'm the eldest.
Yet, I have to play second fiddle, why?
Because that dullard, the Rittmeister,
thinks our resident...
alchemist is the leader.
The leader?
He was still wetting his pants, when I was keeper of the three keys.
Now he has two keys, and I have one.
I'm not your Rittmeister. - Now, what do you mean,
not a Rittmeister?
You're physically fit.
Have a way with words.
And you're a writer, which means you've got imagination.
Together, we could...
move mountains, you and I.
I'd even... get you back in the Marquise's good graces.
It's a great honour, but I'm afraid, I'll have to refuse.
It's about time.
One moment, gentlemen.
I have a... small correction.
I've thought things over
and concluded,
the Rittmeister
is right.
I'm changing my vote to
the esteemed Kurdyukov.
Old friends are gold, as they say, and new friends are silver.
Kind soul.
Me too.
To hell with this sissy.
Another kind soul.
How about that, I however, throw my full support behind Felix Alexandrovich.
OK.
Then my vote's for the writer... if others can change their votes, so can I.
I don't understand why.
I've always supported you, you know me, he doesn't want it.
Firstly, he doesn't want immortality.
Secondly, Magister,
it seems you're still
in the minority.
Get this through your heads, I would die before giving up your secret.
Don't you understand, what a blessing...
it is for humanity, that the keepers of the elixir of eternal life,
are you five, this group of yours.
I dread to think of...
what might happen,
if your secret is revealed.
The elixir would... reach the hands,
of at least one, truly powerful...
energetic monster.
What could be worse?
Kind, sir...
An immortal... sandwich eater, is a
blessing for our planet.
But a real...
energetic, power hungry maniac: that's scary, that...
would be a disaster, a catastrophe.
So...
rest easy my dinosaurs, I won't reveal your secret,
even under, the most terrible torture.
All the same, gentlemen.
Even though I'm in the minority.
I categorically place my full support behind...
Felix Alexandrovich.
Remember, not a word to anyone.
Or, you and your loved ones,
will suffer.
I'd die like a dog for you.
I'll protect
your Kurdyukov,
like a son.
I'll help him cross the street!
The End
Translation and Subtitles by Darnn Revised by Kosmikino